


Published

by allthewayfromatoz



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Arguing, Evan’s Letter - Freeform, Gen, Implied/Reference Suicide Attempt, Internal Monologue, Limited tags to avoid spoilers, Missing Tags To Avoid Spoilers, One Shot, Short, Short One Shot, evan just s n a p s, he is done with Jared’s bs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:42:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25187368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allthewayfromatoz/pseuds/allthewayfromatoz
Summary: Evan’s worst fear is confirmed when he finds his letter, no, not full of porn like Jared says, but full of his secrets published to the school website.He was the only one with a physical copy, and there was only a few people that even knew about it. Him, his therapist, his mom, and Jare-Jared.
Relationships: Evan Hansen & Jared Kleinman
Comments: 3
Kudos: 16





	Published

**Author's Note:**

> In this AU, Connor and Evan didn’t run into each other in the computer lab, and Connor doesn’t attempt suicide afterward.

Evan

Was

_Mortified._

Her personal letter, all to himself, for nobody else to see,

was on the school page.

_There must be a reasonable explanation! Ummm, somebody accidentally uploaded the PDF of my letter rather than like the bell schedule because it was both on the computer. Yeah, that's what happened._

_Yeah._

  
He paced up and down the room, feeling the heat start up in his stomach and quickly spread to the rest of his body.

_I mean, the school would never purposely upload my letter to the school website, because that's probably illegal in some way._

_Did a student hack into the school website?_

_But, why would somebody upload my letter? As far as I know, nobody hates me. What would they hate me for? I mean, a lot of things, but I never talk, so they wouldn't be able to know about all of the awful parts of me. Nobody knows that I write letters to myself. Well, nobody except Jare-_

_Jared._

_But, Jared wouldn't do that!_

_...would he?_   
  


Evan looked across the room to the bulletin board hanging above his desk, moved from where it used to be above his bed after he got anxious it would fall on him.

There was a picture of him and Jared hanging there, probably about 12 years old. Evan remembered the photo. Jared has made a fuss about taking it, and afterward immediately left to talk to some other kids, leaving Evan sitting in the dirt.   


Evan didn’t blame him for wanting to have fun, but that didn’t make it hurt any less when he heard Jared making fun of his stutter and laughing along with the other kids.  
  


But you wouldn’t know all that just from looking at the picture.

_  
_

_I'll ask him today at school._

Evan felt his heartbeat quicken and his breathing shallow, knowing that if he got an anxiety attack then it would only go downhill from there. He'd probably miss the bus to school too. And he'd be exhausted.

_Fuck it, just let it happen because there's no stopping it, and at least you'll get some sleep before having to drag yourself tuio social hell._

Evan let himself drown, not even making an attempt to swim up and rescue himself. Why even try when you know,

Nobody's going to be waiting there with a life jacket for you?

Not even a goddamn pool noodle.

**~*~*~**

Evan got to school with five minutes to spare before going to class, as he had slept in from his anxiety attack.

Trudging over to Jared's locker with his black jacket on and zipped all the way up, he tapped Jared on the shoulder.

"What do you want Acorn?"

He did it. It's so obvious.

"Just tell me why you did it."

"Did what?"

"Yo-you know what I'm talking about!"

"N-no I don't,"

Jared mocked Evan's little stutter in a baby voice.

Evan rolled his eyes,

"I don't wanna fight with you! Just,"

Evan sighs,

"Just tell me why you posted my letter."

"Your...letter? What letter?"

"THE LETTER THAT I TOLD YOU ABOUT. THE LETTER THAT YOU MADE A PORN JOKE ABOUT. THE LETTER WITH MY SECRETS IN IT. THE LETTER."

"Woah Evan, chill. I didn't upload your letter-"

"Then why is it on the school page!"

"It's on the school page?!"

Jared clicked on his phone a few things, then a look of remorse flickered over his face for a millisecond. However, it was quickly replaced by laughter.

"OH MY GOD, someone actually uploaded your letter to the school page!"

Evan's blood boiled.

"Jared, this isn't funny! That's private! I don't want it out for anyone to see!"

"Chill out dude, it's not like it's a video of you masturbating to Zoe Murphy-"

"No, it's not! It's a million times worse! Ugh, I can't believe you right now! Just go take it down!"

"Okay, first of all, you're being dramatic. Second of all, I don't know how to take it down."

"You put it up, so you must know how to take it down!"

"Evan, I didn't put it up-"

"YES YOU DID. STOP LYING JARED."

By this time, the wild gesturing and shouting had attracted a crowd, both men oblivious to this fact.

"Don't jump to conclusions! What makes you so sure that I was the one uploaded your sex letter?!"

"That's it! That's exactly it! You don't take any of my problems seriously, you insult me constantly, you push me away any chance you get, you don't like me; is there any evidence for your side of the argument?!"

"I-I-"

"That's what I thought."

Jared stood there, just staring as Evan walked away, still facing Jared, with a satirical smile on his face,

"Goodbye! Thank you for all you've given me! The declining mental health, the anxiety, the late nights, the suicidal thought, the suicide ATTEMPT, oh, that was fun! I'll never forget the memories, for they have scarred my brain so much!"

Jared stood in awe, wondering how Evan just turned into whatever that was. Because whatever that was, 

It was _not_ Evan.

Evan walked away, biting his bottom lip to prevent the tears in his eyes from plummeting, just like his emotional state.

He broke into a sprint, slammed the door of the janitors closet, and had a breakdown, which then descended into another anxiety attack.

_Wow, if I keep at this rate for the rest of the day, I'll break my record for Amount Anxiety Attacks In One Day!_

As Connor watched this whole thing unfold from a corner in the hallway, he stopped the recording and brought his phone down and took the letter down from website, making sure that it wouldn't be traced back to him. He has his reasoning behind this.

He knew it was wrong.

He knew he was hurting Evan.

But maybe, just maybe,

He'd be able to prove that there was someone even more broken than him.


End file.
